A Werewolf's Secret
by MaggieMalfoy
Summary: Three years ago Roxanna got the most wonderful yet terrifying news when she learned she was pregnant with Professor Lupin's child. Though he left her without ever finding out. Now she's started a new life but when Narcissa calls for her help she's forced to return with her son no one knows about, and finds out Remus is around again, though there's a young auror pursuing him. (HBP)
1. Chapter 1 Teaser

**A/N: This is just a teaser of chapter 1, the full version will be coming soon!**

My slumber is interrupted by a thumping on the side of my bed. My eyes flicker open and I stretch, then turn to be greeted by the cutest set of light blue eyes.

"Mommy I'm hungry!" announced a bouncing three year old with hair as dark as mine.

"Are you now?" I smile and sit up. "If you want food give me a hug!" He takes one more jump and lands straight into my arms in a fit of giggles. I kiss his forehead and stand while lifting him up with me. "What do you feel like eating Demetrius?"

"Ummm I don't know!" he answers.

"You never know!" I laugh as we head into the kitchen. I sit him atop the counter and take out my wand to spread open the curtain allowing a brightness to penetrate through the window. The view is beautiful, fields of green grass and a bright blue sky. I love being in France, I decide. The Blake family manor was located on the perfect spot too.

It's unexpected yet amazing how thing have worked out. Leaving Britain was the best decision I could have made. Though three years have flown by I recall as if it were yesterday. The moment I found out I was pregnant with my Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus J. Lupin's child. It was the most wonderful and terrifying news I could of ever have gotten, each for a number of reasons. So many things could of gone wrong and so many things did. Firstly he left me before he could even find out, secondly I had to consider the fact that our child might inherit his little condition. Then I had to prepare for the reaction people would have had they found out. It seemed a mess.

The hardest part was hiding it from Narcissa. It's as if the woman had an extra sense for this kind of thing. Luckily I'm sure she was certain it was my ex-boyfriend Michael's, there's absolutely no way anyone, save my close friend Lilian, would know or even guess Remus was the father.

Therefore I decided to get the hell out of there, before things could go bad. I needed time to figure everything out and space to do it. Which is why it seemed to be set in the stars that I inherited my father's estate in France the day I turned 17. It was perfect. I was able to leave before I started showing and Lilian stayed with me for the summer before she went off to train to become a healer. And she's spent every summer since then here. In fact she was due to arrive any day now.

"Mommy!" Demetrius calls and snaps me from my reverie.

"Yes, my love?"

"Look at that owl!" he shouts in giggles.

I turn and I see an owl tapping on the windowpane. That looks like Narcissa's owl. I open the window and it flys in, swoops by Demetrius who is trying to capture it, and drops a letter on the counter. In another swift motion it grabs ahold of a pear and is out the window again. The piece of parchment is folded and has _Roxanna_ written on it in Narcissa's hand. It's been months since Narcissa last owled me, we try to keep in touch. When I first left she would owl me all the time and often attempted to persuade me to go visit. I always came up with an excuse, she doesn't know about Demetrius. She did always assume I was with child but was never able to confirm it, though she often hints at it in her letters, going on about how lonely I must be out here and who I keep around for company and whatnot.

Before I left I had a talk about it with my mother who convinced me it would be best to keep it to myself, and try to start a new life. She wasn't happy when she found out she was going to be a grandmother, and even less thrilled when she found out who the father was. Nevertheless I was in a fragile state, scared and confused so I went along with what she said. Now that I look back on it I'm sure she wanted me to move for her benefit. It would of put a damper on her oh so prestige reputation should word have got out that her only daughter was going to give birth to a werewolf's offspring. Though it worked out for the best.

I've been able to grow and no longer rely on her approval. Demetrius is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He has Remus' eyes and my hair and the most adorable smile. He also has his mommy's tactics, I'm so sure he'd be a slytherin.

I open the parchment and begin to read:

_Hello Roxanna, _

_I wish I came bearing good news, though things have gone astray terribly. Too many things for me to put in this letter for fear of interception. But Lucius has been sent to Azkaban. I beg you to come back, I really need your help with a certain task. Please._

_Narcissa. _

It was such a short note, but I could tell it was urgent. I folded it back up and put it aside. I didn't want to ponder too much on it at the moment. I didn't want Demetrius to think I was mad or ignoring him so I set off to make his breakfast.

I often think about Remus. About where he might be, whether he still thinks of me or even remember's me for that matter. I try not to dwell on the thought, I know it's farfetched. Sometimes I hope that somehow he knows. Knows that he has a child. But there's no way he could of known. And I probably won't ever see him again. What bothers me the most is that Demetrius won't know his father. I don't know how or what I'm going to tell him when he gets to the point where he'll start asking. But damn it after all this time I've learned to be all that he needs, and that'll be enough...


	2. Chapter 1 Full

**Chapter 1.**

My slumber is interrupted by a thumping on the side of my bed. My eyes flicker open and I stretch, then turn to be greeted by the cutest set of light blue eyes.

"Mommy I'm hungry!" announced a bouncing three year old with hair as dark as mine.

"Are you now?" I smile and sit up. "If you want food give me a hug!" He takes one more jump and lands straight into my arms in a fit of giggles. I kiss his forehead and stand while lifting him up with me. "What do you feel like eating Demetrius?"

"Ummm I don't know!" he answers.

"You never know!" I laugh as we head into the kitchen. I sit him atop the counter and take out my wand to spread open the curtain allowing a brightness to penetrate through the window. The view is beautiful, fields of green grass and a bright blue sky. I love being in France, I decide. The Blake family manor was located on the perfect spot too.

It's unexpected yet amazing how thing have worked out. Leaving Britain was the best decision I could have made. Though three years have flown by I recall as if it were yesterday. The moment I found out I was pregnant with my Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor, Remus J. Lupin's child. It was the most wonderful and terrifying news I could of ever have gotten, each for a number of reasons. So many things could of gone wrong and so many things did. Firstly he left me before he could even find out, secondly I had to consider the fact that our child might inherit his _little condition_. Then I had to prepare for the reaction people would have had they found out. It seemed a mess.

The hardest part was hiding it from Narcissa. It's as if the woman had an extra sense for this kind of thing. Luckily I'm sure she was certain it was my ex-boyfriend Michael's, there's absolutely no way anyone, save my close friend Lilian, would know or even guess Remus was the father.

Therefore I decided to get the hell out of there, before things could go bad. I needed time to figure everything out and space to do it. Which is why it seemed to be set in the stars that I inherited my father's estate in France the day I turned 17. It was perfect. I was able to leave before I started showing and Lilian stayed with me for the summer before she went off to train to become a healer. And she's spent every summer since then here. In fact she was due to arrive any day now.

"Mommy!" Demetrius calls and snaps me from my reverie.

"Yes, my love?"

"Look at that owl!" he shouts in giggles.

I turn and I see an owl tapping on the windowpane. That looks like Narcissa's owl. I open the window and it flys in, swoops by Demetrius who is trying to capture it, and drops a letter on the counter. In another swift motion it grabs ahold of a pear and is out the window again. The piece of parchment is folded and has _Roxanna_ written on it in Narcissa's hand. It's been months since Narcissa last owled me, we try to keep in touch. When I first left she would owl me all the time and often attempted to persuade me to go visit. I always came up with an excuse, she doesn't know about Demetrius. She did always assume I was with child but was never able to confirm it, though she often hints at it in her letters, going on about how lonely I must be out here and who I keep around for company and whatnot.

Before I left I had a talk about it with my mother who convinced me it would be best to keep it to myself, and try to start a new life. She wasn't happy when she found out she was going to be a grandmother, and even less thrilled when she found out who the father was. Nevertheless I was in a fragile state, scared and confused so I went along with what she said. Now that I look back on it I'm sure she wanted me to move for her benefit. It would of put a damper on her oh so prestige reputation should word have got out that her only daughter was going to give birth to a werewolf's offspring. Though it worked out for the best.

I've been able to grow and no longer rely on her approval. Demetrius is the best thing that's ever happened to me. He has Remus' eyes and my hair and the most adorable smile. He also has his mommy's tactics, I'm so sure he'd be a slytherin.

I open the parchment and begin to read:

_Hello Roxanna, _

_I wish I came bearing good news, though things have gone astray terribly. Too many things for me to put in this letter for fear of interception. But Lucius has been sent to Azkaban. I beg you to come back, I really need your help with a certain task. Please._

_Narcissa. _

It was such a short note, but I could tell it was urgent. I folded it back up and put it aside. I didn't want to ponder too much on it at the moment. I didn't want Demetrius to think I was mad or ignoring him so I set off to make his breakfast.

I often think about Remus. About where he might be, whether he still thinks of me or even remember's me for that matter. I try not to dwell on the thought, I know it's farfetched. Sometimes I hope that somehow he knows. Knows that he has a child. But there's no way he could of known. And I probably won't ever see him again. What bothers me the most is that Demetrius won't know his father. I don't know how or what I'm going to tell him when he gets to the point where he'll start asking. But damn it after all this time I've learned to be all that he needs, and that'll be enough.

"She's asked me to go back." I explain to Lilian as she rocks Demetrius' sleeping figure in her arms. She was sitting across from me in the dining room. She had finally got here earlier today and I couldn't be more thankful. I needed someone to discuss this with. The thought alone was overwhelming. I didn't know where to even begin contemplating it.

"For what?" she asked.

"She needs help with something but wouldn't say what." I inform her. "It seems urgent."

"Things are not good back in Britian at the moment." Lilian begins solemnly. "The dark lord is back, as you know. I hear the order is back. I hear-" she paused for a moment and looked me in the eyes then back down at Demetrius. "I hear Remus has joined them again."

The words she spoke took me a while to process. Remus. It's a name I haven't heard from anyone else's lips but my own in a long time. It reminds me that he's real. And the first news I hear about him in so long is that he's putting himself in danger.

"Does Remus actually believe he can face the Dark Lord?" I spit, a sudden rage surging.

"Apparently." she answers, not minding my sudden tone.

"He has a child. He has a child and he's out there risking his life for someone else's child. Not even a child! Harry Potter is practically a man himself!" I can't help but be angry. All I think about is how Remus obviously has not abandoned Harry and he so easily left me without so much as an explanation.

"You know if you come back you'll have to choose." Lilian says after a moment of silence passed.

"Do you remember last time?" I ask her. We were mere kids ourselves, dedicated to the side our parents choose. We are purebloods and were always meant to do what is expected of us, to preserve our kind.

She nods.

"What do you choose this time?" I ask.

"I don't know. I don't want to choose. I honestly don't care about any of it. Of course my family is already on board with The Dark Lord." she answers.

"And no doubt mine is already as well." I add. "I'm scared though. Demetrius is a halfblood. My family won't accept him unless they believe he's a pureblood."

"So what are you going to do?" she questioned.

"I'm going to change his last name. There was a man I was seeing a for a bit a few month back. He wasn't from here, he was Russian, but he was pureblood. Of a noble family. I'm going to proclaim him the father to my family." That plan had been building in my mind for days, this was the first time I was saying it out loud and it didn't sound as crazy as it did in my head.

"That could work." Lilian replies, a look of thinking it over sweeping her features. "What was his name?"

"Vladimir Dolzhikov of Moscow."

"Ooh he sounds hot!" she muses.

I laugh. The first genuine laugh I've had in days. "He was."

"What happened then?"

"I didn't fall in love with him. I tried but I couldn't. So he left." I say having made my way up to the counter where I stared into the marble.

"Our relationship has progressed." Lilian announces. She always knew how to change the subject before I was about to set off into pointless despondency.

"Oh?" I say turning to her with an arched eyebrow.

"It wasn't suppose to happen. I could get kicked out of the program if they find out. But I don't know how I'm going to hide it." she explains with a blush. She had finally been put in Lockhart's ward. I bet she was _excited_.

"We're slytherins Lilian! We know how to sneak around! Just don't get caught!" I tell her feeling my daringness from my younger days start to swarm within me.

"It's not that simple anymore." she says quietly starring down at Demetrius.

"What do you mean?"

She looked at me and her blues eyes were watery. She began to sob.

"Lilian what's wrong?"

She takes a deep breath in effort to calm herself then she looks up at me again. "I'm having a baby."

My eyes widen and my smile instantly grows after my momentary shock passes. "Thats amazing!" I announce and run to embrace her.

She shakes her head. "It's not, Roxanna, it's not!"

"Why?" I ask stepping back, taking Demetrius from her and heading to the sitting room with her behind me. I lay my gorgeous baby on the couch and summon a blanket to cover him and then I take a seat by Lilian.

"They won't let him out any time soon." she explains. "And if they find out, I'll get kicked out and I won't be able to see him anymore, he won't know his child."

Realization hit me. She was afraid she was going to end up like me. It didn't offend me. It was the truth after all. "From my experience, for what it's worth, no scenario is worth regretting or second guessing your child. You're going to love it Lilian! No matter how the situation turns out, you're going to love being a mommy!"

She smiles. Her tears stopping. "You do make it look fun." she admits.

"How can I not have fun? Look how cute my kid is!" I laugh, I was never modest and my baby is the damn cutest.

"So you're going back then?" she asks with her hand on her stomach.

"No. We're going back." I say looking down at my handsome little man. We'll go back, see what Narcissa needs, I'll introduce Demetrius as Demetrius Dolzhikov so he'll be set as a 'pureblood' should the dark lord regain power, and then we'll come straight back here. It sounded doable. I just hope I'm making the right decision.

**R&R! Please!**


	3. Chapter 2

I couldn't sleep. Each time my eyes shut I was taken back to my dorm all those years ago at hogwarts. In my mind I was still the little 7th year girl eager to see her professor the next day. I had to keep my eyes open because that was no longer the case. Now I was the mother who had to think about her son. I'm going back tomorrow. The thought that I may not even see him passes through my mind. If I don't things will be so much easier. That scenario isn't whats keeping me awake, the possibility that I actually will see him is.

I decide to get up, giving up on sleep. I go into Demetrius' room to double check that he's all packed with everything he needs. He's sound asleep in his bed when I walk in. He's so damn adorable. I can see so much of Remus in him. I hope no one will realize that, maybe I can see it so well because I can see more than their physical similarities. I can see their equal kindness, the same eating habits, the same laugh. Those types of things.

I think too much. I settle beside Demetrius and instantly fall asleep.

When my eyes open its to see my baby still in a peaceful slumber beside me. I'm very hesitant to awake him but I know we have to leave soon.

"Demetrius." I say as I stroke his hair back from his forehead, to which it just falls back into place. He stirs a bit but doesn't awake. "Demetrius." I say again, a little louder, placing a kiss on his cheek. This time his eyes slowly blink open.

"Mom." he says.

"Time to wake up!" I tell him, unable to help my grand smile at his sight.

"I'm sleepy!" he says, shuts his eyes and turns the other way.

I laugh. "You asked for it my love." I say before my fingers attach to his sides and being to tickle him.

Fits of his giggles explode from my baby. "Mommy stop!" he shouts between his laughing.

"Fine!" I release him. He's up now, definitely. "Guess what baby! Today is our trip!" I inform him as I wave my want summoning his breakfast.

His eyes brighten up instantly. I've never taken Demetrius on an actual trip. He's really never been out of France. It's crossed my mind before, but we have been so comfortable here, I never wanted to risk things. I call for a house elf to wake Lilian and make sure all her belonging are packed too. I don't know how long we'll be gone for as I don't know what it is Narcissa requires help with however I anticipate it'll be about three weeks. I don't plan on staying any longer than that.

Once I have my baby all dressed up we descend to the parlor where we find Lilian awaiting us.

"Slept in, did you Roxanna? Some things never change." Lilian comments.

"Oh ha ha." I remark sarcastically.

"Where's my favorite little guy?" she stretches her arms out to Demetrius and he runs to her.

"We're going on a trip Aunt Lily!" Demetrius tells her excitedly.

"Are you excited?" she asked as she bounced him.

"Yes!" he answers.

He looks so happy. I kinda feel a small pang that I haven't taken him on a trip of any sort before, but better late than never. Plus he's only three, he wouldn't of remembered much if I had. "Well then you both ready?" I ask before I take ahold of my baby and we apparate.

Apparation is one of the most uncomfortable and fastest sensations there is to experience. However this time it felt as though it passed in slow motion. So many thoughts surged through my head at one time. By the time it was over I was left standing with the worst damn headache I've had in a while.

The street we landed on was wet from a recent rain it would appear. It was dark already, we had to stop at a few other countries before arriving in Britian, and from what I heard its no surprise that there was no one lurking the streets at this hour.

"Lumos." Lilian cast as she pulled out her wand. "Is Narcissa expecting us?" she asked.

"I sent her an owl the night before we left, surely she would of received it by now."

"I would hope so. It wouldn't do to not be expected. I hear they've been having special company."

"Well I sure as hell should be considered special company too." I say and they catch the actual meaning of what she was saying. "Wait you mean. . .?"

She nods.

So the Dark Lord has been occupying the manor. I can't decide whether thats a bad thing or a good one. For one thing if we are staying in the dark lords presence then we're obviously in one of the most guarded places and should be safe, not to mention I definitely won't have to worry about seeing Remus. Though on a second note being in the dark lord's presence also puts us in the most dangerous place for no one is ever really safe around him.

"Ready then?" she asks to which I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding and we descend through the large hedges down the path to the main gates.

I hear Demetrius laugh. "Mommy look!" he shouts. He's pointing at a white peacock. I allow myself a small smile, remembering when I used to run through the fields with Draco and we would shoot curses at them with Lucius and Narcissa's wands. Crazy how they never knew when we would take them.

The closer we get to the gate the more I feel Demetrius squeeze my hand. I think he's getting scared. I pull him a bit closer just to reassure him I'd curse the hell out of anyone who tried to mess with him. We reach the gates and within a second what appears to be a large, foul looking, man appears.

"What business you got here?" he growls.

If they have him on gate duty he obviously isn't anyone too important. I step forward, look him straight in the eyes and arch an eyebrow.

"You must not know who I am, so I'll excuse your tone, this time. Though I suggest you learn to speak to your superiors and guest of my families home." I say playing at my extremely uptight tone, ah la Narcissa.

He eyes me with a gruff. "Knew ya had to be related to Bellatrix. Ya all the same. Look the same too" he muttered.

"Therefore I suggest you get the fuck out my way. Narcissa should be expecting me." I don't like talking like that in front of Demetrius but you can't show weakness around these guys.

He lets us in. When we reached the doors I paused a moment before I knocked. This was it. I looked at Lilian and she gave me a small nod in reassurance. I then looked at my baby and he smiles at me. Thats all I need. I knock and a house elf answers the door.

"Mistress Roxanna!" the creature greets me.

Within a few seconds Narcissa herself comes bustling in. "What's all this fuss-" she trails off when she sees me. "Roxanna!" she screams in a pleseantly surprised mannar.

That confuses me a bit. "Did you not receive my owl? Alerting you I was coming?"

She shakes her head. "So many things I don't have control of anymore." she begins solemnly but then rolls her eyes and puts on a bright facade again. "Never mind that right now, you're here. Thats all that matters."

I approach her to embrace her. It's been so long since I've seen her and as much as I wouldn't admit it I missed her intrusive self.

She hugs me back and then pauses. She must of spotted Demetrius. "Who is this?" she said as she let me go.

I smiled. I thought I'd be nervous introducing him, but I guess I don't get to show off my baby that much so it's kind of exciting. I turn around and beckon my love to come. He complies and I stand him in front of me. "This is Demetrius. This is my son." I say looking down at him then up to Narcissa.

She looks taken aback at first, shocked, not in a bad way though. "I didn't know about Demetrius." she says then bends down to become at level with him. "Hello Demetrius. I'm Auntie Narcissa." she extends her hand to him.

Demetrius looks up at me and I nod to him. He takes her hand and shakes it.

"Well I guess you must all be tired from your journey. The elf will show you to your rooms, and Roxanna rest for now however tomorrow we have much to discuss."


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you so much for everyone who reviewed! I'm excited to be working on this story and hearing that ya'll enjoy it really motivate me! R&R Please!**

Demetrius is still sleeping by the time I'm up and readying myself. How every inch of me protested getting up this morning, I'd of preferred to stay snuggled up by my baby. No way was I going to let him stay in another room, everything is so different here now. It's not the home it was while I was growing up, it didn't feel safe anymore. Lilian was going to come and watch him for me while I faced the inevitable talk with Narcissa. Narcissa. Just seeing her- her whole structure seemed to be falling apart gave indication to how bad things have gotten.

My hair is being extra cooperative today, I brush it and it feels as soft as ever. My make up is also going on perfectly. Oh so I think and then I realize it's not so much perfection as it is style. I'm recreating the style I used to wear to school. I suppose sitting at this former vanity of mine took me into a small time lapse. I still look so young, I mean I suppose I am but I certainly feel much older than I appear.

When I know I can no longer stall I get up and prepare to go, there's a knock at the door. Lilian is just on time. I let her in and give my little sleeping handsomeness a kiss before I leave.

"Good luck." Lilian wishes as I go.

I'm so used to my home back in France that this familiar place now seems so foreign. As I navigate myself through the halls I find myself having to stop and think about where I am and where to go. I finally make it to the dining room where Narcissa is seated.

"Ah Roxanna. Have a seat, breakfast will be out shortly." she says indicating to the chair before her.

I nod and go sit down. "It feels so strange to be back here." I comment.

"Much has changed." she replies, then adds "It seems for you too." she arches an eyebrow.

"My son." I exhale a breath I didn't know I was holding. "My biggest accomplishment so far."

"Yes well surely you couldn't accomplish that on you're own, now could you?"

"You can just ask." I remark. "There's no point in beating around the bush."

"Fine. Who's the father? Is it Michael? You should not have kept him from his own son Roxanna!"

"That whore is not the father of my child!" I snap quickly. "He's a Russian I met shortly after moving to France."

She scrutinizes me. "You mean to tell me you were not with child before you left?"

"As I've told you countless times before, no I was not."

"It just all made sense. The sudden wedding Michael had put together. You're weird eating habits. I honestly thought-"

"Well you were wrong." I insert.

"It appears so. Are you still with this man?" she asks. Oh so like her to be so damn nosy!

"As a matter of fact I am not. He left the country not knowing I was pregnant." I say preparing myself for the inevitable judgment she was about to pass.

"Well. It seems you've done a good job by yourself. He seems amazing." she says and I cannot believe the words coming out of her lips.

"Thank you." I reply genuinely, tasting the shock in my words. It's one of the greatest things to hear, that I'm doing good for my kid.

She smiles, almost a sad smile.

"I wish they could stay that age forever." she says as if almost reminiscing.

"How is Draco?" I ask now starting to feel a bit worried. I can tell something must be off.

She exhales. "He's still just a boy a- and" she beings to stutter.

"What is it?" I ask reaching out and taking her hand in mine.

She shakes her head. "It's punishment. I know it is."

"What's punishment?"

"Draco has been given an impossible mission. He'll fail and he'll... he'll be killed."

"Narcissa what are you talking about?" I urge her to inform me, I can now feel my heart racing. No one can mess with that little rascal but me!

"Lucius failed a huge mission for the Dark Lord." she whispers. "He was suppose to recover a prophesy, it was a disaster and the Dark Lord had him sent to Azkaban as punishment. Now the Dark Lord has entrusted Draco with a mission I know he can't accomplish. He's setting him up to fail for Lucius' mistake."

Oh. The Dark Lord. Well I suppose there is someone who can mess with that little rascal besides me. "What's the mission."

She wipes her eyes and looks up at me. "That's what I need your help with. I need you to help him, in anyway you can please, train him, guide him, anything!"

"Narcissa what is the mission?" I repeat.

"Kill Albus Dumbledore." she says barley even audible.

I stare at her in shock. Surely she didn't just say what I think she just said. Sure I was never fond of the old wizard but never did it cross my mind to kill him! Sure I made fun of the dresses he was always wearing and the fact that he might be a perv but still! I never thought to kill him! But I can't sit here and tell Narcissa that I'm going to let Draco go and get himself killed either.

"I'll help him." I tell her after my shock passes.

"Thank you. Thank you." she begins crying again. "I've asked Severus already. But something doesn't sit right about it. I'd never admit it to Bellatrix, she was against him from the beginning."

"Bellatrix?" I asked surprised. "Bellatrix is here?!"

Narcissa rolls her eyes and nods. "Shes back. And don't get me wrong I love having my sister here. I just don't like seeing her kill herself trying to please 'him' She's at his beck and call in more ways then one, if you know what I'm mean."

"Bella and and-" I couldn't bring myself to say it. Bellatrix and the Dark Lord. Ohh la la. The way she talked about him. I always knew SHE wanted to but I never thought HE'd agree to it. "Wow. Where is she?"

"She's not here at the moment. Should be back in three days or so."

I leave breakfast with Narcissa shortly after our food arrived. I had way to much on my mind to have much of an apatite and it seems she wasn't keen on eating anything either. I get back to my room to find my love wide awake and playing with auntie Lilian.

"Mommy!" he yells when he sees me.

"Demetrius!" I yell back and run to embrace him. "Do you want to go visit a lake?" I ask him, having decided I really need some fresh air.

"Yes!"

"Then find your shoes!" I tell him and he runs off to search for them.

"So how'd the reunion go?" Lilian asks.

"Crazy." I say and being filling her in.

"Damn! Are you going to go through with it?"

"Well there's really nothing for me to go through with. Draco is the one whose going to have to go through some shit."

"Things keep getting crazier and crazier. Roxanna I actually have to get going. I've got to visit Gil and a medwitch. I'll be back in a few days" she says and gets up.

I get up too and embrace her. "Bye bitch. Remember keep it a PG visit seeing as you're already knocked up." I wink at her and she blushes.

"Bye Roxanna!" she says before apparating.

I turn and see Demetrius struggling to put his shoes on and laugh. With the wave of my wand his shoes slip on him perfectly. I then hide my wand.

"Mom I did it!"

"You did! Now let's go!"

There was a spot not too far from here that I used to escape to whenever I needed solitude. There was a small lake that was hidden in the middle of the woods. I hadn't been there in years but I miss it and I think Demetrius will enjoy it. We go outside and I pick up Demetrius to apparate. It wasn't far but I sure as hell wasn't walking.

In a matter of a few seconds we're transported to the middle of a peaceful beautiful scenery, that looked just as I remembered it. I put Demetrius down and he automatically runs around exploring the place.

"Not to far." I call to him as I sit by a tree in front of the lake. Its so tranquil here, I loved it so much. It was the perfect escape back then when my life was full of chaos. It could think about anything and everything back here. The only difference is that now the silence is replaced by the giggles of my little boy and it makes it a hundred times better.

I rest for a bit, not really thinking of anything, just tossing pebbles into the lake and listening to Demetrius shout out all his findings.

"Mommy look at this"

"Mommy it's crawling on me!"

"Mommy I killed it!"

"Mommy who's he-"

I sprang up at the last one. He? There was someone here? "Demetrius come back you stay away from strangers!" I yell and run towards his voice.

"What's your name?" I hear Demetrius ask as I get closer and I pick up my past. I spot him and quickly run straight to him.

"Demetrius get back here!" I call now realizing that there is indeed someone here. He's tall and facing the other way.

"Mommy!" Demetrius calls and runs to me.

"I told you not to be wondering off!" I reprimand and look up at the man who's turning around.

"Sorry he-" I began apologizing for my child's intrusion but then lose my words instantly. I can now see the man's face. Remus is standing right in front of me.


	5. Chapter 4

I was standing in front of the love of my life. I just stared at him. I couldn't find any words to say. Everything seemed to be going in slow motion. For a few moments he just stared at me too. I couldn't read his expression. My heartbeat picked up, my arms felt weak. It flet like we'd be gazing at at each other forever. Then he began to smile. A grand smile.

"Roxanna?" he said, breaking the silence.

I blinked a few times. "Remus." I said in disbelief. I couldn't believe he was here.

I began to regain my senses. Remus was in front of me. He was actually standing right in front of me! If I was to take a few steps forward I could embrace him. And how badly I wanted to. I wanted to break down and tell him how much I loved him and how badly I missed him. At the moment all or any progress I'd made over the pass three years to get over him was lost. But I couldn't. I couldn't break down, I couldn't let my son- our son- see that.

"How... How have you been?" he asked taking a step forward.

I should be furious with him! I should yell at him but I found myself taking a step forward too. "I missed you, I've missed you so much." It's as if I had no control over the words flooding out of my mouth. I suddenly felt a wet stream down my cheek. Was I crying? I couldn't help it. I threw my arms around him. He returned the embrace. One of his hands ran through my hair. I felt his heartbeat, I felt his breathing. Then I felt something wrap around my leg, we both look down and I can't help my full on tears now. Demetrius joined the hug, one arm wrapped around my leg, one wrapped around Remus'.

"Is this your son?" Remus asks.

I look up at him. Should I tell him? Well I had too. He had a right to know. I wipe my eyes and take a step back.

"Remus-" I began but was interrupted.

"Remus! Remus!" came the voice of a woman seeming to come from a little bit down the forest. "Remus!" She was getting closer.

I picked up Demetrius and took a few steps back. The most confused expression on my face. I performed a quick spell to clear my face of the former tears.

A woman appeared behind Remus. "There you are! I was beginning to worry."

"I'm quiet fine." Remus answered her.

She had the strangest bright pink hair color and dressed like a freak. Behind the oddity though she looked extremely familiar for some reason.

I wore my usual nonchalant-I'm better than you-expression.

"Well I'm relieved." she said all giggly and wrapped her arms around his arm. I felt a pang in my heart at that but played indifferent. "Who is this?" she asked indicating to Demetrius and I.

Remus appeared extremely uncomfortable. "This is Roxanna and her son." he answered. This infuriated me. I wanted to scream 'OUR SON!' but I bit my tongue. "Roxanna this is Nymphadora."

"It's tonks!" she quickly inserted.

Oh my! I know that bitch! Actually I'm related to that bitch!

"Nyphadora!" I spit disgusted. I know all about her and her mother being blood traitors and whatnot. I never really had a problem with it personally, but I suppose the sight of her and Remus together was enough to pull up any excuse for rage.

"Excuse me?" she retorts.

"I do suppose you wouldn't recognize me. You technically aren't part of our family anymore and they've done such a good job of keeping me away from filth such as yourself. I do hope you enjoy her Remus." I said swallowing back tears. Remus opened his mouth as if to say something but he didn't. The last thing I saw was Tonks' appalled face before Demetrius and I apparated away.

"Mommy what's wrong?" Demetrius asked when we landed.

I force a smile. "Nothing love. Mommy just doesn't like that freak."

I couldn't sleep. This morning's events kept playing in my mind. Was Remus seeing her? Were they a couple? Is it possible that he has another family now? The thoughts kept me tossing and turning. I mean it shouldn't matter. I had already told myself I didn't need him, I didn't come back here to find him. I don't know what happened, it's like seeing him changed all of that.

I think of him. He looks so much the same though so much worn. If he is with her she isn't taking care of him. Then I think more into it. Maybe she's better for him than I am. She's a little older than I am, and she's on his side of this war. She can be seen with him. This trail of thought feels so familiar. Thats because I've been through it before. We still have the exact same problem. We still coudn't be seen together. There is still someone better out there for him. I still don't fit into his life, much less his son.

I decide to get up. Sleep is never going to come. I walk to the window. The closer I get I begin to hear a tapping. I open the window and in fly's an owl. I don't recognize the bird but I recognize the handwriting on the note. My breath hitches. I pull the note off quickly.

It's from Remus:

Don't want to risk compromise. I'll be in Hogsmead tomorrow right after dawn. Transformation point. I hope I see you there. There's a lot I want to explain.

Meet Remus in a few hours? Transformation point? He must mean the whomping willow. As much as I wanted to protest, I know there's no way I'd miss this opportunity.


End file.
